Writing with Confidence that’s Contagious to Your Reader

The example has FIVE separate instances of words or phrases that show vanity and untrustworthiness! The writer uses superlatives that establish an unlikeable arrogance and obviously stem from bias, which makes the writer seem untrustworthy. Then the writer says they will keep track of all plant and animal species in the park, which is an impossibly gargantuan task for a small organization. On top of that, the assumption that the organization will be able to determine the reasons for declining populations is unreasonable to expect. The reader is left feeling that the writer is unlikeable, untrustworthy, and unknowledgeable about what the work requires and what results are achievable.

Birch Park is the most beautiful wildlife refuge in the state and has the best educational programs. Once you fund us, we will maintain our paths and clean up litter every week, and we will start keeping records of all plant and animal species in the park, so that we know if their populations decline, and then we will determine the reasons for any population problem and fix it if possible.

 

Finally, here is an example that shows the healthy middle ground between insecurity and over-confidence:

Birch Park wildlife refuge has beautiful, winding paths through forest, meadow, and marshland, with different birds singing in each. Our educational programs enrich people of all ages with knowledge of and connection to the land and its inhabitants. Funding will support us to maintain our paths and clean up litter every week. It will also enable us to start keeping records of ten key species in the park, so that we can watch for population decline and conduct studies of possible causes and solutions.

This example:

• Expresses the park’s strengths accurately and appreciatively, showing the nonprofit’s healthy self-esteem

• Expects support without assuming it

• Makes clear and reasonable promises

 

Take this middle path, and your readers will like you, trust you, and be confident in the value of your work.